Single-Malt Scotch, You My Only Friend

After a long, sweaty shift surrounded by fire, razor sharp objects and mildly retarded service staff, pounding down shot after shot of cheap whiskey is a brilliant way to take the edge off. But one does not simply get completely shit-housed every single day. Whenever I get the occasional day off (days which come with diminishing frequency during the consumerist cluster-fuck that is the holiday season), kicking back with a three-finger pour of Scotland's finest is all I'm lookin' for...or at least, the finest I can afford with my pushing-the-poverty-line paycheck. Clynelish, Balvenie, Aberlour, Macallan or even Laphroig, the taste of which resembles taking a face-plant in to a Scottish peat bog. A fifth of most of these run anywhere between $35-$55, though I did see a 25 year old Macallan for $600. When the Apocalypse hits, I'll be at the liquor store filling shopping carts with obscenely-priced scotch.

Speaking of obscenely-priced scotch, the Royal Salute's "Tribute To Honour" limited edition scotch sells at a  retail price of $200,000 per 750ml bottle. 200 grand for a goddamn bottle of scotch. Only 21 bottles were made.

 

Royal Salute, an award-winning scotch whiskey brand, with ties to the British Royal family, was an offshoot of Chival Regal created as a tribute to the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II. The "Honours of Scotland" is the collective title of Scotland's Crown, Sceptre and Sword of State, the oldest crown jewels (over 500 years old) in the British Isles.

Each bottle is meticulously hand-crafted, adorned with 22 carats of black and white diamonds, each one set in gold and silver. The bottle itself was made from black porcelain and it was said that 200 bottles were created, with only 21 chosen for retail. The scotch is a blend of rare whiskeys, each one barrel-aged for a minimum of 45 years.

Needless to say, only British Royalty and the super-rich will ever taste this most precious of scotches.